I think we all might agree that our society has become more polarized over the past several years. The far-right and the far-left dominate the news. The voice in the middle is drowned out. We all long for compromise, diplomacy, and the proverbial “common ground.”
I wish I had the answer. I truly do. I am saddened by the fact that I don’t have an answer to bring the masses together. I can only try to make my very, very small corner of this big, huge world better every day by looking for common ground on the things that I can control.
What I have found in my search is what I believe to be the greatest measure of character. It is the apology—the simple ability to genuinely say, “I’m sorry.” These two words do not mean you are wrong. They simply mean you recognize that a line has been crossed, and you regret the lapse in judgment as you acknowledge the situation.
Stick to your position while considering whether or not you have gone too far. If we want our arguments to be recognized and respected, we must recognize and respect the opposition. We should not ridicule, cut off, disrespect, or demean the person on the other side. Let’s toss in raising our voices and getting demonstrably upset. Each one pushes us over the line. Each one requires a sincere “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry” should never be confused with “I’m sorry you feel that way.” The latter is the lamest of false apologies. All it says is that we recognize the feelings of others—sort of. An acceptable version would be “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” This version acknowledges our responsibility for our role in impacting another person.
The cliches’ are endless—“get what you give,” “be the change,” “respect is earned,” etc. It all starts with these two simple words. When I pick up a paper or watch breaking news on the television, I often judge the people involved on whether or not they have the ability to admit a mistake. It is the first and last thing I want in every leader, co-worker, and friend.
Some will say this essay is just another version of “everybody gets a ribbon.” I wholeheartedly disagree. I believe we can all start chipping away at society’s collective polarization by taking the time to consider the impact of our actions. We all need to be adult enough to recognize when we must be the ones to apologize. People with the strength of character take the first step. Be strong.
“I’m sorry” is the claw hammer that will tear down the walls between positions and draw them closer to the middle. If I needed an army to take a hill or conquer society’s common ground, I would want to be surrounded by people with the strength to utter these two simple words.
Well said.
I Loved this thank you for sharing ????
I wish you logic would and could go viral and help bring our wonderful country back together for the greater good, our constitution is only as strong as the people that can put aside there differences and come together..
I hope you continue leading our co-op for a long time, you are an inspiration for all of us to be better.
I enjoy your well thought out essays. I agree with the essays’ main points and the evidences that support those points.
I just plain enjoy them. Keep writing!
Wonderful!????
Powerful post.
Dear Tony,
Thank you for your simple wisdom. As a Christian especially, I know you have spoken truth and I will try to do a better job of saying I an sorry and in many cases; will you forgive me?
What a pleasant read this morning!!!
Thank you
Thank you Tony! No truer words were ever spoken.
Thank you for another thoughtful essay.
Would be a good candidate for sharing with the members of the other 50,000+ professional associations and cooperatives in our country.
W. Gregory Vogt
Here’s a radical thought——how about you stick to running an electric utility company and stop spending your time and ratepayer revenue bloviating on this kind of stuff.
Thanks for being a positive influence in your community Craig
Blovate is an angry condemning word Craig. I think you owe Tony an apology. You chose to waste your time reading this. For all you know, he wrote on his time and posted it without wasting a single penny of ratepayer revenue. Your attitude is part of the divide.
I see your viewpoint but disagree, that’s my path to common ground.
I’m sorry is interpreted as an apology which is an acknowledgment that you have done wrong
It is to common today for a persons feelings to override facts when making decisions
I normally just delete newsletters. I’m very glad I read Mr Anderson’s thoughts this morning, however. I certainly hold some common ground with his ideas. We are far too polarized for animals that are 99.9% the exact same.
I am sorry that I had to read a negative comment by someone who says, “stick to running an electric company.” Our lives are more than just our jobs, and if someone has to platform to promote “The Common Good,” I am happy that they use it.
Thank you for another well written article. I ran across this quote on the internet and your article reminded me of this…..”You’re not grown until you know how to communicate, apologize, be truthful, and accept accountability without blaming someone else.”
I always enjoy Tony’s commentary…well said!!
And to the folks who are unapologetic and not sorry? Do we ignore them, or simply be louder and point out their flaws?
We recognize them for who they are – people more interested in themselves than others. Then, I deal with them with eyes wide open. If I know I am dealing with someone who is capable of “I’m sorry”, I treat them with respect and give their issues greater consideration. If someone proves to be incapable of “I’m sorry”, they fall far down my list of priorities. I deal with them as respectfully as I can and as quickly as I can.
Great essay! “I’m sorry.” leads to “We can do better. “
Is Cherryland encouraging Homegrown National Park spearheaded by Doug Tallamy? Seems like a good thing to do to reduce and conserve our resources.
Barbara, I have not heard of this effort before. You can email details to [email protected] at your convenience and I will give it a look. – Tony
Thank you for using your position for speaking truth which is true for all. To God be the glory.
Tony – while I don’t always agree with your arguments, I very much appreciate the approach you are suggesting. We need to hear each other to find our common ground.
That was a thoughtful essay. Personally, I was brought up in the church ” The Church of Christ”in a different city..And I’m grateful that I was, that my parents knew that was of great importance. And I really think if people had God in their lives, they would strive to be better, and it would show in how we treat one another.
Yes- humility, accountability, love of neighbor.
Remember upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all. -Alexander the Great
Together
Everyone
Achieves
More
Maybe, just maybe, the violent incursion by Russia attacking the people of the Ukraine will bring our “sides” back into some agreement about what constitutes morality – “I’m sorry” is an apt expression when we are faced with man’s inhumanity torward man – thanks.
Very well written
Thank you Tony.
Pat Paulson was asked when he made his “Run For The President” if he was left wing or right wing. He answer was that he was more of the “middle of the bird” because if you are one wing or the other you will probably just fly in circles.
Appreciate this article which I almost passed by. Something simple like an apology can break some barriers and allow the negative interaction to go to a positive one. One where listening to one another can begin. Thanks Tony.
I like your article. The ” I’m sorry” only has meaning when it is sincere. I will not apologize for my point of view or if my point of view offends you. I will offer an apology if I use harsh words or insults of any kind. Thanks Mr. Anderson
I am so proud to be a Cherryland Electric Coop customer with these comments! The key is being kind and following the Golden Rule, and we should all redouble/retriple/reinfinituple our efforts to commit to and live by it. Thank you, Tony!
Our constitutional democracy is indeed rare and unique, what makes it so, is the extrodinary amount of freedom the average
citizen has. That same freedom is now under attack by the politically correct crowd.
Now it is implied that if you may have an original thought, or heavens say something that is not of the current popular ilk,
you are fair game for personal attack and cancellation by the thought police. If you apologize it only verifies the offense.
If we allow the thought police to destroy our Constitutional democracy, and turn it into a European Social Democracy, American exceptionalism will fade away, and we shall start “slouching toward Gomorrah.”
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing Tony.
So well said. Let’s search for common ground and listen again.
I appreciate your “voice”, Tony, and wish we had politicians that would strive for common ground.
I’m also glad for all of the supportive responses. (It’s people like Craig A. Rolfe that cause me to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way” and close my ears l to anything they have to express.)
I commend your offering such constructive guidance without being required to do so. Wish more elected leaders would demonstrate this kind of moral leadership.