How the Swanson Family Survived and Thrived After Tragedy

By: Tina Swanson

Life is full of twists and turns, mountains and valleys, tragedies and triumphs. For my first 32 years, life was going along smoothly—pretty much according to my plans.

I was blessed to have been brought up in a Christian home with a loving, supportive family. I had graduated from college with high honors, was married to my best friend and had three beautiful healthy children. I’m not sure anything can prepare you, though, for that moment when tragedy strikes and your life is immediately and permanently turned upside down.

For my children and me, that moment came on January 9, 2003. It was the day after I turned 32. My husband went out for a ride on the snowmobile that he had been fixing all evening. He and his friend rode out onto the ice on Long Lake and fell through into open water.

They never came home.

Suddenly, our ideal existence became something terrifying and unknown. I was suddenly a widow and a single mom faced with the daunting task of telling my 7-year-old, who was his father’s shadow, my son waking up on his 4th birthday, and eventually my baby daughter, then 7 months, that their daddy was gone and was now living in heaven.

During those first few days and weeks, it was not about how to get through the day, but how to get through each minute.

Although fiercely independent by nature, I instinctively knew that I couldn’t make it through if I tried to go it alone. I leaned on my faith, my family, my friends and my church family to carry me when I couldn’t stand alone.

By learning to accept help and advice when offered in love, I gained valuable insight about trust and friendship. We’re not designed to handle everything on our own and when people genuinely wanted to be supportive, it blessed them as much as it did our family.

I have often thought that if I were to write a book about the struggle to continue on in the face of extreme heartbreak, I would call it “Lessons from the Top Bunk.” That is where we all would gather at bedtime.

We climbed up there and we laughed and cried, remembered and dreamed.

It was there that we began to carve out our “new normal.” Obviously, our lives changed in many ways on that cold January day, but everything that could stay constant, I tried to keep the same.

I still tucked the kids into bed every night. I was able to stay home with them and not go back to work right away, as hard as it was, and we still had blueberry pancakes on Christmas morning as was daddy’s tradition. (Yes, mommy can make them, too!)

There in the top bunk, we defined who we were, shared treasured family time and we grieved together. There we learned that we could never go back and we couldn’t stay where we were -we had to move forward, even though it was difficult and lonely and frightening at times.

We moved forward together. There in the top bunk I discovered that as much as I was there to help my children navigate this tough road, they were a help and a blessing to me. There’s nothing like childlike faith and hope to encourage you to face each day and to not just get through it, but to find joy and laughter in every day.

It was also in that top bunk that the idea was born for one of our greatest family adventures to date.

After working to learn all of the state capitals, Jared, my second son (then 8), announced that what he really wanted to do that summer was to visit each of the state capitals.

At first, I laughed it off a bit and let him know that it was a little ambitious to hit all 50 states in one summer, even for our crazy family! But I started to rethink that and imagine what it might look like if we set off on that adventure – not in one summer, but over time.

We did start our adventure that summer and we made it to 12 state capitals. My brave mom, who was still missing my dad, who had died the year after my husband, ventured out with us. It really gave us a positive focus and united us as a family in ways we couldn’t explain.

Besides, it was just plain fun to explore our country, learn about history and geography and spend good quality time together. We have continued our quest over the past eight years and have now managed to reach 47 state capitals, including our most recent trip to Hawaii this past spring.

With just the Alaska trip left ahead of us, it is fun to see the completion of Jared’s vision within our grasp. It has been a great adventure as we have navigated not only the roads of the United States, but as we discovered inner strength and determination and courage we never knew we had.

We learned to value each and every day and to be thankful for each moment we have together because our family knows all too well that we can never predict what the path of life holds and that time is truly a precious thing.

It’s interesting to note as we near the end of our journey around the country, that although there is great beauty and so many exciting places to discover, from San Francisco to Boston, and Dallas to Minneapolis and everywhere in between, northern Michigan is still our favorite place to be.

Time continues to march on and it is amazing to look back more than 12 years later and see all of the ways that we have grown in wisdom and experience both individually and as a family.

I have gone from the mom who was nervous and a bit embarrassed to bring my children to a restaurant by myself to one who can confidently venture out all over the country, knowing that there’s nothing that I can’t overcome.

Each of my children, although grieving in their own time and their own way, have learned that they have inner strength and hope that will never leave them as they make their way through life.

My oldest son is getting married this summer to the love of his life and will start out on his own life adventure. My prayer for him and for his brother and sister after him is that they would always remember the lessons learned along life’s journey – lessons from the top bunk, from along the highways of the U.S., and along the sometimes bumpy road of life.

We have gained so much wisdom about love and laughter, faith and friendship, tragedy and triumph.

We took one of the toughest trials that life had to offer at very young ages and can be encouraged that we found the inner strength to face each day with hope and joy, and to face whatever trials may lie ahead and not only survive, but to thrive.

Tina Swanson is a Member Service Representative with Cherryland Electric Cooperative.